Tag: Applied Buddhism

Applying Meditation Skills to Daily Encounters

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Hi all,

Hope the new year is treating you well.  I just came back from a three month retreat and thought I’ll share something here.  (Strictly speaking, because of immigration requirements and some talk engagements I committed to, it was not a full three months! 😉 )

Below is an email excerpt I sent to fellow buddhist on meditation.  Thought I’ll share it here as it may be useful for some of us trying out meditation.
1.  Feeling frustrated the day after meditation
Hmmm …. that’s an interesting one.  Before I jump to any conclusion, maybe some clarifications:

+ How long do you meditate per session?
+ How many times per day?
+ Do you do walking meditation with the sitting?
+ How many times do you meditate per week?

While it is true that improper postures can cause some discomfort, it usually occur under some specific conditions.  Shed some light as above and we go from there.

2.  Becoming more sensitive to our surroundings and people
Becoming more aware and sensitive is always better.  So good start there! 🙂 What we do with this new awareness and sensitivity is a different thing altogether. 🙂

While it would be good if after learning the Dharma and meditating, we are able to simply face all situations head-on and come out ok.  Unfortunately reality differs, as you have noticed. 😉  Fortunately, the Buddha is kind and realistic enough to suggest that we take it gradually.

The Buddha is Realistic!

Not specific to your situation, but in the AnguttaraNikaya 5.161 Grudge, the Buddha do not advise the monks to go head on and reflect on emptiness or anatta.  Instead he suggested five ways to deal with it.  “If a grudge arises towards any person, then one should cultivate loving-kindness, or compassion or equanimity to wards him. Or one should pay no attention to him and give no thought to him. Or one may apply the thought: his only property is his actions; whatever he does, good or bad, he will be heir to that. In these ways, all grudges that have arisen can be removed. ” Search for “grudge” in http://www.triplegem.plus.com/tipintr3.htm

I feel that the Buddha’s very realistic approach may also apply in your case where you feel “something” towards people who seem to be doing things wrong.

1.  External
+  Avoid if possible.
2.  Internal
+  Do not give attention to what had been done
+  On that which we have seen, heard or suspected, hold your judgement *or* direct your mind to the positive qualities of these people
+  If you find that you cannot find anything positive about them, reflect on how others are not disturbed by the so called perceived negative or wrong actions.
+  Direct your mind towards the Triple Gem
+  Direct your mind inwards towards your own practice

To be honest, I went through a stretch where I had much -ve towards ppl around in much the same way as you did.  I came to a point where I reflected and concluded that a) how wrong they really are may be subjective and b) even if they are truly wrong, getting upset with them does not help
them … *nor* me!  and c) “getting upset” is itself a defilement, never mind whether they are really right or wrong.  Hence I should resolve my own defilement of being upset before I go poking into ppl’s backyard.

!Applying our meditative practices to use!

When we meditate (止 samatha), we are really doing two things:
1.  Bring the mind away from its favorite past-times (aka distractions) and
2.  Anchoring it on the meditation object.

Easy said than done.

But we’ve done it before as well.  Although the mind may still wander off, we have succeeded in doing it before, both bringing it away from distractions to our meditation object.  We learn to maneuver the mind.

We also succeed in anchoring the mind, albeit maybe just for a few moments or seconds for some, in the meditation object.  This is commonly the breath, and we did do just that.

When frustration or -ve thoughts arise, it is like the mind wandering away from our meditation object.  We should extend our meditation skills to everyday life and catch ourselves when that happens.  After catching it, we should steer our mind away from those mental objects (thoughts or memories!) towards good or +ve (happy?) thoughts or objects.  Then we should anchor it there.

Try it and see what happens.  After some exercise, one should be able to do it easily.  That should allow the -ve thoughts to die down by itself.  This is the samatha method and it does only one thing.  Mitigation.  It does not solve the problem, but it gives us a breather *and* it breaks the momentum of the angry mind.  It weakens habitual anger if it is present and prevents its formation if not.

Our task is not complete yet

Meanwhile, our task is not complete yet.  Having this calmness is sometimes mistaken as the end goal for Buddhists.  That is plain incorrect.  This is like a pit-stop or a transit.  A shelter to wait out the storm.  While you slowly weaken the defilements, one should strengthen calmness and develop observation and insight into nama-rupa (mind-body).  Seeing truly how nama-rupa is, ie impermanent, subject to change, subject to suffering, is empty and non-self, one then cuts off the root of the problem, craving and attachment stemming from the distorted views of the world.

This requires 观 or insight meditation.  Bear in mind, this is not one particular meditation technique found only in one school or tradition.  As far as I am concerned, the different schools in the different traditions have different techniques for both samatha and vipassana that should lead to concentration and wisdom.  Use the one that works for you.

Footnote:

I didn’t go into specifics of insight meditation for the timebeing as I wanted the person to clear her present difficulties before moving onto the later exercises. 😉

Making Mistakes and Forgiving

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“Just because of the good that one has done, let us not turn a blind eye on the wrong made.
Just because of the wrong made, let us not wipe out all the good that was done.

Seeing both rightly, let us help each other face up, do penance, right the wrong and develop further the goodness.
Only then can we grow together fruitfully.”

We hear it all so frequently.  The staff who rather not do anything than make a mistake.  We also hear of that boss who quicker forget than forgive — forget your effort and contributions and not forgive your single mistakes, that is.

In today’s society, are we becoming one that has no more room for forgiveness?  In our law-conforming country, is there room for pardon, or should we remove these words from our vocabulary and just go by the book?  Or have we removed these words already?  Are there stipulations for wrongs doers to be given a slap on the wrist and nothing more?  Or is that where human interpretation should lie?

Ignoring Judicial systems for now, let’s look at workplaces.   A common trend for some employees is to just do the minimal possible.  The idea is that the more you do, the higher the chances for mistakes.  This attitude lies in the repercussions that come with mistakes.  Certain companies, it seems, have a culture of condemning staffs for making mistakes.  Instead of correcting the mistake and moving on, the person is usually sidelined indefinitely.  Having such corporate culture is unhealthy for companies or organisations.  It promotes stagnation and  stifles growth both for the group and the individual.  Change if at all need to come in at the top level and management need to earn back the trust from the company that the change is not just a show.  Over time, staffs will have the courage to, as everyone says, ‘think out of the box’.

In some companies I’ve worked in however, the atmosphere is rather different.  Staffs are encouraged to take risks, calculated risks that is.  And failure is not uncommon, but the cane comes down tougher for not doing than for trying and failed.  As a result, we were more motivated to try and try and not be afraid of failing.  Granted, we are not wild horses on the loose, but we make what we like to call “guestimates” with the confidence that management is behind us should something go wrong.  Such companies do usually have its own check and balance to ensure that it is not exposed to too much unnecessary risks of course.  So staffs also have to start to up more ownership and have to be ready to stand by and in some cases defend the decisions made.  Compared to the prior system, employees play a more active role in running the company and not just passive wage-earners.

The same applies to volunteer groups, non-profits and even families.  As volunteers, it is already out of interest and passion for certain common goals that they commit their time, energy and often money into an organisation with no monetary rewards.  If volunteers are too heavily penalised when they make a mistake, then the already small pool of volunteers may shrink and disappear altogether.  Check and balances should be in place, but some room for learning and growth should be present.  Instead of corrective or penal measures, it may be wiser to establish preventive measures to ensure that mistakes are firstly minimised, and secondly caught earlier in the process and not wait till it deserve a “death” sentence.  That way, volunteers can
continue to offer their time without fear of harsh backlashes while being guided in the process so that public interest is maintained.

In families, an atmosphere of openness and forgiveness is healthy and wholesome for both the children and the parents.  If parents act like police, the children may start behaving like thieves.  If the parents act like judges, then the children will act like prisoners.  Having openness requires trust between the parent and the child.  But that trust can only develop if the child have confidence in the parents’ interest in the child’s happiness.  If the parents punishes too harshly, then the child may end up hiding matters from the parents for fear of punishment without recognising the wrong in their own actions.  Punishments should be coupled with learnings so that the child learn and recognise that their actions are wrong.  If they come out of punishments believing that their actions were right and the punishments were uncalled for, then they would start hiding as mentioned.  Or they may stop playing or trying anything altogether.  This is the equivalent of the employee who does as little as possible because then he has lesser chance of being wrong.  If this happens to a child who is strong-willed, they may start rebelling.  For a more introvert child, they will just give up trying anything.

Singaporeans as a whole seem to be struggling between “openness and forgiveness”, and “closeness and backlashing”.  We need to find a balance that works for us in our Asian context.  With the drive towards opening our doors to foreign talents, we are in greater need to learn to be forgiving.  Let us not forget, that most of our forefathers were immigrants once.  And if not for the kindness and forgiveness given by various individuals along the way, we would not have come so far.

So the Olympics Is Around the Corner

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With the Olympic starting in just two days, the whole world goes into a frenzy, soaking in every bit of Olympic titbits they can find, lavishing in the news of all the different sports man and woman people and the history and background of the Games.

Suddenly everyone wants to know the psyche behind these sports folks, what their favorites are, what books they read.  Ok, maybe not everybody wants to know, but at least the news people seem to be rather keen.  So who is driving who?  Are the readers driving the news or the journalists driving the content read?  Hmmm …

Regardless, I read of some athletes and how they excel in their field.  Without fail, the story would describe how they train for hours, days and years before they reach their present state of athletic perfection!  While some may have had a flair for their sports since young, non attained their excellence by sitting on their butts for the past 10 years! :p

This is something common in sports, in the arts, in sciences and yes, even in business!  In all fields, individuals excel through their diligence and repeated efforts, and even then only some succeed to be the very best.  So it makes me raise a brow when people come to me complaining that their practices fail to quell their anger … … after one week of trying!

Read More …

What Is It That Vexes You?

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Someone recently used logic and reason to refute a statement I made.  What she said about it (potentially) vexing me got
me thinking about whether that actually vexes me.

Logic and reasons do not vex me.  Absence of it and denial of its absence, potentially … .. escapes and perhaps vex me to a certain extent. 😉

So what vexes you?

The Shrink Is In … Letting It Out … … Your Anger I Mean

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You know what they say, in some therapy, in some movies, or some TV shows, where the patient is advised to just let out their anger? Or in some cases, yourself or a friend who actually sees a “shrink” and you are told to acknowledge your anger (or whatever emotions you are dealing with! … rarely is it happiness!). Some of these scenes (not sure in real life) would further include the patient shouting out “I’m angry! I’m flabbergasted! I’m so f**king pissed!” … and in some cases even throwing things, and the good doctor would then say “Good good! Acknowledge your emotions. … ” etc etc …

I’m just wondering if anyone who tried this realise that the mere acknowledging or more rightly, the identifying with emotions in such manner, serves also to strengthen them. The mere “I am angry”, reinforces that well, I am angry. But where’s the I, as they would say? There’s probably a letting go part that some of these movies or real life accounts are missing, or maybe I didn’t watch the right ones or the persons I hear it from didn’t go to the right shrink. But is it just me or isn’t it harder to let it go later on after we have identified with it saying “I am angry” like a gazillion times?? Read More …

How Much Would You Give?

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The Buddha said “The Highest Gift of all is the the Gift of Dhamma”.

For most lay people, Dana, the practice of giving, means giving material support. This includes giving Robes, Food, Lodging and Medicine, the four requisites. Some communities provide avenues for lay people to offer food on a daily basis before noon. Others also put up their phone and utilities bill for voluntary offerings. All these requisites support existing sangha members in their monastic life, so that they can focus on their learning and practice of the Buddha’s teachings.

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