Being A Friend Worthy of Associating with

In the Anguttara Nikaya 7.35, the Buddha said this

“He gives what is beautiful,
hard to give,
does what is hard to do,
endures painful, ill-spoken words.

His secrets he tells you,
your secrets he keeps.

When misfortunes strike,
he doesn’t abandon you;
when you’re down & out,
doesn’t look down on you.

A person in whom these traits are found,
is a friend to be cultivated
by anyone wanting a friend.”
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an07/an07.035.than.html

If one wants to have many friends, one should be a friend to many.
And one should have qualities of a friend worth associating with!

A Short Sharing on Dependent Origination & Emptiness

Thanks to a question by a student, here’s a short sharing on Dependent Origination & Emptiness that I emailed her.

All phenomena are not independently existing in and of itself. Eg, a table that we use, comprises parts that were not table, and have not “tableness”. If the wooden parts had any “tableness” in them, then the tree from which these parts were made from cannot be made into anything else except a table.

Because the parts do not have any tableness, the ‘table’ that we use, arise dependent on the parts + many other factors as conditions. There is no coming, ie no independent table that exist, created or formed.

When the table is taken apart, there are parts that resemble a table, but do not form a table. So once again, there is no tableness in the parts and without conditions, the table ‘disappears’. It disappears in a sense that no table ceased nor was destroyed. Beyond the parts, there is no table that got taken out and thrown away or ceased.

The last part that even while we are using the table, there is still no inherent table, within the ‘table’, the parts or outside of them.

The same applies to all phenomena, to the five aggregates, to our relationship with our family & friends, to our role as a student now and a certain profession in the future. Precisely because all these
relationships and roles are dependent arising, that is why we can be a student, a daughter, a friend, a teacher, a granddaughter, a beloved one at different times, and sometimes simultaneously. However, we do not realise this sometimes. Clinging onto certain roles and how exactly they should be, we sometimes feel lost or out of place when in reality, conditions have changed, and the role we use to play have changed or is no longer suitable.

Realising dependent arising is to realise emptiness of all these, and to realise that with pervasive impermanence, none of these roles are inherent, intrinsic or permanent. On one hand, we learn to appreciate each moment of uniqueness of the relationships’ and roles’ development, thereby cherishing them. On the other hand, we see that no single moment or state of the relationship or roles can be clung on or attached to.

We learn to grow with it, watching mindfully, reflecting on the best course of development that would benefit ourselves and others best.

There are much more applications of this teaching we can apply in our life. I hope this answers your query.

May this understanding aid you and your friends and love ones on your path towards Buddhahood!

 

 

The World Is … Is Not Coming to an End!

We have spent 127 days of this year, with 238 days left. There were much excitement a few months ago about the Ending of the World in 2012, and with all the reports on earthquakes and other natural disasters, is the world coming to an end?

nWithin the past 50 years, there were numerous claims to cataclysmic end of the world. None has come true. I’ve got a strange hunch that this one will be no different.

In Buddhism, we also have predictions, a different kind that had more definite and significant impact on all human beings, all sentient beings.

Instead of predicting an end of the world, the Buddha predicted that as long as there is craving and attachment, there will be suffering, and that when there is an end of craving and attachment, there is an End of Suffering, an End of Sorrow, Lamentation, Pain, Despair and Distress.

That much, the Buddha predicted.

So which future are you going to fulfill?

 

Reference:

http://fora.tv/2010/04/24/David_Morrison_Surviving_2012_and_Other_Cosmic_Disasters#fullprogram

Cook Like a Chef!

Just because you are not working in a restaurant, it does not mean you cannot cook like a chef!

EDIT:

So yesterday I was at a neighbourhood eatery with Charles.  I commented how the dish would be very different if they had sliced the cucumber thinly.  Then we half commented that it is not a restaurant after all.  I’m not sure if it is such a mindset or sloppiness that welded the chef’s knife yesterday, but It dawned on me that we can have such fixed mindsets at times.

We box ourselves up into fixed roles that we identify with and become limited by such identification.   The only thing that comes from this is that we restrict our own growth.

But we didn’t start off this way mostly.  Sometimes, it start off due to external factors.  When we were young, or when we first started work, bright-eyed, we may have tried to do things and try things like there are no boundaries to what we are capable of doing.  Then we hit our first brickwall.  Our
first “No”.  Our first “rejection”.  The first “do what you are SUPPOSED to do”.  There.  The first block of the impenetrable stronghold of I-Cannot-Do-It is laid.

Instead of trying our best, and besting even our best, we tell ourselves “I am just an ABC, so I can/should only do XYZ”. We do that for one day, for two days, for three. We do that to ourselves for one week, for two weeks for three. We do that to ourselves for one month, for two months, for three. We do that to ourselves for years on end. In the end, we fulfill our own prophecy, that we can only do XYZ.

At some point, we unknowingly tell others that as well, that they should just stick to known territories and not try anything beyond.  “Don’t rock the boat”, “Don’t spoil the market”, “The overgrowth gets trimmed”.  Or so they say.  So we may end up perpetuating the very negative limiting cycle that got us boxed in at the first place.  But it does not have to continue this way.

Every day is a new start.  Every moment, the old mind and body ceases and a new mind and body is born.  With each new arising, there is a possibility of change.

Ready?

Thoughts About the Buddha’s Teachings from 5th April 2010

I received a few emails about the verse found on 5th April 2010.

There are these three unskillful types of thought. What three? Thoughts of self-esteem, thoughts of gains, honours and fame and thoughts of worrying about others.

It.72

Most of the emails expressed questions about why worrying about others is an unskillful thought.  Here’s why.

Worry and concern are very similar, yet very different at the same time.

Without getting pedantic about it, being concerned about someone or something is not a bad thing. It is definitely good to care and be concerned for others, as this concern can and should lead to positive action to benefit others. However, this concern can instead lead to worry, which is the mere discursive thinking and often uncontrolled vacillations about the matter concerned.

 

The former is what can help others and can be driven by loving kindness and compassion, while the latter does not help the matter but preoccupies us, draining us emotionally and sometimes confuses us,

So be concerned, and actively do something about it, and not start worrying about things.

Hope this allays your concerns and you can stop worrying about it. 😉

How to Decide on a Task, Project or Goal?

 

Today I’m going to share a simple simple way to approach a task, project or goal.  More accurately, I’m focusing on the initial decision process.

A project can be split into a few parts such as

  1. Envisioning & Planning
  2. Development & Implementation
  3. Testing & Feedback

Different project management methodologies are abound, and you may be familiar with others that are similar or different, each with different focus and strengths.  Take note that this post is not about project management, it is about making that initial decision to do or not to do the project.  This can be done at the Envisioning stage and should culminate with the Planning stage.

Since the very first meeting in secondary school I’ve ever sat in to discuss and decide on whether or not a project or activity be carried out, I’ve noticed a certain trend.  Most initial meetings start with someone sharing the bright idea for a project or something and quite quickly degenerates into a wack-the-mole exchange of debate over why the project will fail for various reasons.  If you have ever been in such meetings and would like a different (read: more effective) approach, read on.

The above trend actual happen in many club, society and sometimes even in corporate meetings.  Eventually, the project does get started, but not before everyone feel down and disheartened about how they are starting a project that is seen as doomed to fail.

Typical meeting:

Person A: We have this idea “A”.  blah blah … [details about what it is]

Person B: This will not work because of “B”

Everyone start thinking of how to counter B.  When B seem somewhat resolved, person C comes up with something.

Person C: But it seems like we will have problem with “C”, so we should not do “A” or that “B” will still fail.

One more nail in the project coffin.  All we need is someone to start the fire and we can cremate the project and go for a movie already.

Everyone start debating or arguing about C, D, E, F, G … .

This can go on for hours and the team will still not have decided on whether they wish to start the project or not.  No decisions  made, the meeting is adjourned.  The team members will disheartened or bitter while some become suspicious of each other’s intent and integrity.

What is happening here? What went wrong and what can be done instead?

The usual questions or factors that come up are usually the “Who, What, When, Where and How”.  We learn in secondary school, the five W and one H right?  The above are the implementation details.  I’m not saying that they are unimportant.  They are important, but only when you have decided to do the project.  If you have not even decided yet, why even bog yourself down with the implementation details?

“But how do you decide whether to do a project without knowing if it can be done?”

To that, I say, you are mixing up “How to do it?” (Implementation) with “Why we do it?” (Mission, Reason, Motivation).

For example, consider a group of friends going for a meal.   This is their weekly gathering and they decided to meet on Friday at 6pm for a meal at Suntec followed by movies at 9pm.  They will meet at the new Zen restaurant after work.

  • Who: Group of friends
  • What: Outing – Meal and Movie
  • When: Friday at 6pm
  • Where: Suntec, Zen restaurant
  • How: Travel – drive individually, Food – Zen, Movie – Eng Wah Cineplex (it’s been years! What is at Suntec??)
  • Why: This is part of their weekly gathering.  Friends meeting up weekly.

In this case, when they decide to meet up, it is because of friendship, because of the company they enjoy with each other.  They don’t necessarily meet up or not because it is cheaper or not.  Although, having decided that they want to meet up, they may later decide that they cannot do so because of the ‘implementation details’.  Maybe the restaurant or movie is not ideal, or the timing is bad etc.  These are reasons why they are unable to have their outing, and not that they do not want.  While the results are the same, that the outing did not happen, the reasons are different.  They may decide that they do not want to meet up or that they are unable to meet up.

If they decide that they do not want to meet up, then even if they can, they would not.  Whereas, if they are unable to meet up, they would try to make adjustments to the ‘implementations’ and finally still meetup.  In the former, the ‘implementations’ often end up as excuses for not meeting up while in the latter, the ‘implementations’ become something they resolve to reach their goal of meeting up.

Going Somewhere

Let’s look at another scenario: Going on a vacation.  The reason we want to go on a holiday is one thing but the 4WH will influence our decision on when, where and how our vacation will take place.

If you want to go on a holiday, then the 4W+H will be adjusted to fulfill this goal.  Otherwise the 4W+H will become reasons why you do not go on a holiday.

Which statements do you make:

  1. “I’m not going to Singapore because I cannot afford it!”
  2. “I want to go to visit Singapore, but because of the cost, I will save up for the next 3 ~ 6 months and be able to go on my vacation then!”

Is it Feasible?

By now you should be very clear with the distinction between why one would want to do something as compared to how it can be done.  The former in general comprises the “benefits” of achieving that goal while the latter is the “cost” of doing it.  The benefits gives people reasons for doing a project while the costs helps them consider the feasibility of achieving the project.

Wanting to achieve a goal, one then consider the present conditions to find
out how feasible it is to do so.  After that, he then make plans to solve implementation details to make the plans feasible.

Buddhism

When we come into Buddhism, a common situation is that we may become overwhelmed by the precepts and practices.  This can sometimes dishearten us when we consider how difficult these precepts and practices are.  Other times we may not know why or how the practices and precepts are even relevant at all.  While we may try very hard but we are actually approaching Buddhism with the same approach mentioned above.  Instead of considering the qualities and benefits of the goal, we are being bogged down by the “feasibility factors” and “implementation details”.

For most people, it is helpful to know the proper path and goal of Buddhism, and appreciate the goal and destination of Buddhism before even embarking on the “project” itself.  That to me, is how the Buddha deliver it to us, in the form of the Four Noble Truths!

Current Situation – Noble Truth of Suffering, Noble Truth of Cause of Suffering

Goal – Noble Truth of Cessation of Suffering

Solution – Noble Truth of the Path leading to the Cessation of Suffering

While the Four Noble Truths are often taught as Basic Buddhism, I consider it as the core, the essence of Buddhism.  If one truly understands Suffering, its Cause, and how wonderful Nirvana (Pali: Nibbana) is compared to our present state, then the path becomes part of our ToDo list and not the reasons why we cannot take refuge or observe the precepts.  We won’t say “we cannot do it because it is too difficult” or unknowingly dismiss the Buddhist practices as irrelevant if only because we had become a victim of self-defeating attitude.

So the next time the thought “it cannot work or be done” pops up in your mind, think again.  First ask yourself “Why am I doing it?” and not “How difficult is it?”.  When you have decided that the goal (whether worldly or supramundane) is worthwhile, then find out how feasible your present conditions are and determine the variance between the required conditions and your present conditions.  Finally, set a doable todo list to narrow the variance.

Then it becomes “I’m doing it because of this and in order to achieve it, I need to do A, B, C, … … “.  The obstacles become the path.  Then there are no obstacles, only choices and steps towards our eventual goal, Nirvana.