Respecting People’s Choices

Respecting people’s choices.  Should all choices be respected?  Or are all choices worthy of respect?  People’s right to making choices should be respected, but there are good choices and there are bad choices.  Good choices bring about welfare and happiness to oneself and others while bad ones bring uncertainty, fear and stress.

Respecting all choices without distinction would mean respecting bad choices as well.  When bad choices are respected, we encourage bad choices to be made again in future.

Respect people’s right to choices, including bad ones.  But don’t respect all choices indiscriminately, especially the bad ones.

Photos ~ A Snap of the Past

A friend recently ask me why I would want photos that do not contain myself in it.  That got me thinking.  Yes, why?

At its simplest, photos provide a visual snapshot of a time from the past.  It allows us to relive those moments and remember the events, the places, the conversations, and most importantly the people.  It reminds us of the good times, … and the very good times.  We seldom bring out our cameras or snap a heated argument with our mobiles.  Maybe we should.  Should we?

Sometimes, hidden beneath the smiles and laughter in the photo is a tinge of sadness or unhappiness that only the persons would know.  Photos don’t lie, but they can’t tell as well.  Looking at these photos may bring a smile as we look back at our own silliness or our ‘old self’ and wonder why we were so upset or happy then or it may rekindle old feelings that we have long forgotten and thought gone, but like an old friend, now stirs our heart.

Taking a peek into yesteryears, it may also reminds us of how the people in the photos have changed.  How we and others are not the same persons anymore.  We have changed.  We will change.  We are changing.  We may long to be back in the “good ol’days”.  It seems like every generation will look back to their youths and pin for these years long gone and scorn at the youths of present days and wonder what went wrong.  And these same very youths will do the same in future, perhaps with holographic immersive videos or cerebral implants instead of printed photos or our tablets and phones.

With digital photos, those moments are forever preserved and locked away, not to be lost, until we wish to reminiscent over days past, or when you accidentally chance upon them while clearing up old archive folders.  Like the photo albums of past, we usually stash them aside until the Chinese new year or when a relative visits.  With digital photos, we are no longer limited to the 16 or 32 shots per reel, each photo of the hundreds and thousands we snap each year, does it make each of them less valuable?

Speaking of value, if you have to choose between “seeing a person frequently or everyday and not have any photos of that person” vs “seeing a person occasionally and have some photos”, what would you choose?  How about not getting to see that person again but to have as much photos of that person?  With videos?  If photos and videos capture the moments shared with a person, albeit less than ideal, then do they serve as a substitute in their absence?  Or do they serve as a surrogate being, an extension of that person?

Perhaps it is the knowledge that we would one day not be able to see one another, that we try feebly to capture as many moments as we can, so that when a person who is special to us is gone, separated from us, we can still have them, have their ‘presence’, even if it is a
less than perfect replacement.  This holding on to of one another, wishing for it to last, perhaps just one more day?  Is that all it is, our powerless struggle against the tides of change, grasping helplessly onto wisp of memories of fond time past?

From the earliest archaelogical findings of cave paintings, humanity has tried to capture what we experience.  Regardless of their intentions and hopes, no matter how fruitless the outcome, it has served to give us, tens of hundreds and thousands of years and centuries later, a peer into the days gone by.  We may interpret Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa as a self-portrait or a drawing of his love-interest, and be totally wrong, or we may see “The Scream” and think that it is his rendering of the scream of innocence lost, while scientists would tell you that it is an artistic expression of the volcanic eruption of Krakatoa, one which split up an island, covered many regions with ashes and caused a drop in global temperature by 1.2 deg C.

We may never quite know what went through the minds of all those artists, but to those who were there, it is perhaps an affirmation that yes, it did happen.  That like the bisons hunted by early man, the thoughts and emotions in artists did exist as well, even if only in their minds and hearts.  When we take a picture today, does it not affirm in us, and even more so to others, that yes, we were there.  Photos do not lie.  And so with photos showing our hands on the Great Wall of China, our presence has somehow become cemented in history.  We were there, and we have photos to prove.  No one shall deny us of that.

For some, we do this because we want validation from others.  For others, we do this to affirm in ourselves that yes we were there.  Or that someone was in our life.  And we sometimes want to let the world know that.  Sometimes we just need to know it ourselves.  Looking at photos of our love ones with us, it may give us more certainty that they are still in our lives, that we are still in theirs.  Yes?

Another purpose photos, paintings and scultures serve is to remind us of people who are no longer with us, or whom we look up to and have respect for, but have never met.  While the renderings may not be photo realistic and may well have artistic or cultural tinting, it helps us to connect to this person.  When we visit a museum or read a book with paintings of Isaac Newton, we may marvel at how this person was one of a series of great intelligence that spark a cascade of technological discoveries, changing human lives even up till this very day.  While we enjoy the benefits of modern science and read this text of a browser, on a tablet, with the page dished out over HTTP, TCPIP layers, sitting over wifi (802.11##), UTP, fibre, all served through a web server running a linux kernel (maybe Centos, Ubuntu or Debian distro), we may not even know who Linux Torvalds is, much less feel anything towards him, or the thousands of technicians, engineers and scientists who has made it possible.

It is somehow, harder to feel gratitude or love towards science, technology, mathematics formula or software algorithms, but easier to feel grateful towards people.  So we thank the tech support person who restored our account but may not feel so much towards the tools that made it possible.  But it is good and important to have gratitude, to feel grateful.  As Buddhists would look to a picture or sculture of the Buddha, and have gratitude and reverence for a very special and important teacher, who discovered the way to completely end suffering, many other religions and cultures too, uses scultures, symbols, paintings and photos to remind us of values and teachings.  Such connection is helpful to spur us on to the teachings themselves and to realise them.  A visual connection of sort.

So why would I want a photo where I am not even in it?  Perhaps I am no longer as narcissistic as I was in university, when I would only order photos containing myself.  In retrospect, maybe we do that to
also hide our need of others.  That it was simply because “I” was inside, so I wanted those photos, not because “others” are inside.  If there was this need to hide, it is no longer in me.  I’m ok with people thinking what they want of me.  I’m ok to admit that yes, I want to be a part of something or that I want someone to be part of my journey in life.  I’m free of that bit of trappings. 😉

So the next time we take a photo together, go ahead and smile, or frown, let others know, that you were here with me, in my life, on the path towards Enlightenment.  Perhaps in time to come, when we attain enlightenment, and we peer into our present past life, we will smile and chuckle, thinking “For we were young … we’ll be alright”. ^.^

Happy Mother’s Day

Stop Putting Ketchup in Your Coffee or We Are No Mind-Readers

I have not met anyone who put ketchup in their coffee, but I know of people who put butter in their coffee.  My fav uncle did!  For a long time I did not know why he did that.  But being a kid, I tot my uncle should know better.  So one day, I started putting butter in my drink … milo!

I tried the concoction … a rich chocolaty drink now enriched with a creamy buttery goodness!  My!  I’m set for life, I must have thought!  This is life! Milo with butter … I’m living it!

After some years, I outgrew the milo-butter thingie though once in awhile, I would still indulge myself in it.  Then one day I happen to mention this to my uncle and asked him about it.  He replied that it had to do with him being a smoker and how the butter with coffee helped mask the after-taste or something.

We had such a good laugh!  To think that I had been putting butter into milo even though I was never a smoker and not even drinking coffee at that!

But thinking back, it didn’t really mattered for me.  Putting butter into milo was my way of connecting with my fav uncle.  It was what is said “The greatest flattery of all is emulation”.  We like emulating others, especially people we like or look up to.  Putting butter in my milo was perhaps my way of emulating my fav uncle.  It was perhaps also a literal way to be in his shoes, to know what or how he thinks.  On the other hand, it was also perhaps an unconscious way to tell the world that, heck, I have no idea why he did that with the butter, but I just think he is right, ‘cos he is my uncle!  Not exactly rational et al, but you gotta cut people some slack some time ya?  I mean, are you gonna fault butter-in-milo?

We are no mind-readers.  Most of us anyway.  So sometimes we like to emulate what people do so that we can appreciate better how they feel or think.  Or other times we ask them about why they do things a certain way.   But it cuts both ways.  Just as one may ask to know more because he cannot mind-read, like-wise the person being asked of, may not understand why the fuss over the question.  If only we are all mind-readers … then … wow … this world will be quite different huh?  No more lies, no more second-guessing, a lot less uncertainties.

But we are no mind-readers at the moment.  We can try to develop mind-reading skills.  But last I check, it’s difficult at best.  There is another skill that we can develop that can help here.  We can learn to be more understanding, in both counts.  The person who wanted to ask the question can learn to be more understanding (hmmm … but at the first place, the question is asked because he is unable to understand!?) … and perhaps be able to not have to ask at the first place?  Or the person being asked the question can be more understanding of the need to clarify?

So one day, if you see a person putting ketchup in his coffee (or laws forbid, milo!), be more understanding, maybe his fav uncle or aunty did that!  And for those who put ketchup in your coffee, do have the patience to explain your little story as to why ketchup in your coffee.

We need Understanding in our daily coffee and milo.  That’s what we need.  And if you will, a serving of ketchup and / or butter for those who may please.  Enjoi your Nutty Mocha Frappé.


Nutty Mocha Frappé photo courtesy of The Connoisseur Concerto