Author: Shi ZhiXing

Applying Meditation Skills to Daily Encounters

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Hi all,

Hope the new year is treating you well.  I just came back from a three month retreat and thought I’ll share something here.  (Strictly speaking, because of immigration requirements and some talk engagements I committed to, it was not a full three months! 😉 )

Below is an email excerpt I sent to fellow buddhist on meditation.  Thought I’ll share it here as it may be useful for some of us trying out meditation.
1.  Feeling frustrated the day after meditation
Hmmm …. that’s an interesting one.  Before I jump to any conclusion, maybe some clarifications:

+ How long do you meditate per session?
+ How many times per day?
+ Do you do walking meditation with the sitting?
+ How many times do you meditate per week?

While it is true that improper postures can cause some discomfort, it usually occur under some specific conditions.  Shed some light as above and we go from there.

2.  Becoming more sensitive to our surroundings and people
Becoming more aware and sensitive is always better.  So good start there! 🙂 What we do with this new awareness and sensitivity is a different thing altogether. 🙂

While it would be good if after learning the Dharma and meditating, we are able to simply face all situations head-on and come out ok.  Unfortunately reality differs, as you have noticed. 😉  Fortunately, the Buddha is kind and realistic enough to suggest that we take it gradually.

The Buddha is Realistic!

Not specific to your situation, but in the AnguttaraNikaya 5.161 Grudge, the Buddha do not advise the monks to go head on and reflect on emptiness or anatta.  Instead he suggested five ways to deal with it.  “If a grudge arises towards any person, then one should cultivate loving-kindness, or compassion or equanimity to wards him. Or one should pay no attention to him and give no thought to him. Or one may apply the thought: his only property is his actions; whatever he does, good or bad, he will be heir to that. In these ways, all grudges that have arisen can be removed. ” Search for “grudge” in http://www.triplegem.plus.com/tipintr3.htm

I feel that the Buddha’s very realistic approach may also apply in your case where you feel “something” towards people who seem to be doing things wrong.

1.  External
+  Avoid if possible.
2.  Internal
+  Do not give attention to what had been done
+  On that which we have seen, heard or suspected, hold your judgement *or* direct your mind to the positive qualities of these people
+  If you find that you cannot find anything positive about them, reflect on how others are not disturbed by the so called perceived negative or wrong actions.
+  Direct your mind towards the Triple Gem
+  Direct your mind inwards towards your own practice

To be honest, I went through a stretch where I had much -ve towards ppl around in much the same way as you did.  I came to a point where I reflected and concluded that a) how wrong they really are may be subjective and b) even if they are truly wrong, getting upset with them does not help
them … *nor* me!  and c) “getting upset” is itself a defilement, never mind whether they are really right or wrong.  Hence I should resolve my own defilement of being upset before I go poking into ppl’s backyard.

!Applying our meditative practices to use!

When we meditate (止 samatha), we are really doing two things:
1.  Bring the mind away from its favorite past-times (aka distractions) and
2.  Anchoring it on the meditation object.

Easy said than done.

But we’ve done it before as well.  Although the mind may still wander off, we have succeeded in doing it before, both bringing it away from distractions to our meditation object.  We learn to maneuver the mind.

We also succeed in anchoring the mind, albeit maybe just for a few moments or seconds for some, in the meditation object.  This is commonly the breath, and we did do just that.

When frustration or -ve thoughts arise, it is like the mind wandering away from our meditation object.  We should extend our meditation skills to everyday life and catch ourselves when that happens.  After catching it, we should steer our mind away from those mental objects (thoughts or memories!) towards good or +ve (happy?) thoughts or objects.  Then we should anchor it there.

Try it and see what happens.  After some exercise, one should be able to do it easily.  That should allow the -ve thoughts to die down by itself.  This is the samatha method and it does only one thing.  Mitigation.  It does not solve the problem, but it gives us a breather *and* it breaks the momentum of the angry mind.  It weakens habitual anger if it is present and prevents its formation if not.

Our task is not complete yet

Meanwhile, our task is not complete yet.  Having this calmness is sometimes mistaken as the end goal for Buddhists.  That is plain incorrect.  This is like a pit-stop or a transit.  A shelter to wait out the storm.  While you slowly weaken the defilements, one should strengthen calmness and develop observation and insight into nama-rupa (mind-body).  Seeing truly how nama-rupa is, ie impermanent, subject to change, subject to suffering, is empty and non-self, one then cuts off the root of the problem, craving and attachment stemming from the distorted views of the world.

This requires 观 or insight meditation.  Bear in mind, this is not one particular meditation technique found only in one school or tradition.  As far as I am concerned, the different schools in the different traditions have different techniques for both samatha and vipassana that should lead to concentration and wisdom.  Use the one that works for you.

Footnote:

I didn’t go into specifics of insight meditation for the timebeing as I wanted the person to clear her present difficulties before moving onto the later exercises. 😉

Different Ways, Different Destinations

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Back in 2007, I was in conducting a four-session workshop on The Heart Sutra.  In the last session, one student from a western country commented on an interesting sight he has so far only witnessed in Singapore.  He was very amazed at how there are numerous locations where he found a mosque, a temple and a church next to each other.  This was something that he said cannot happen where he was from or perhaps in many other countries as well.

In a multi-racial, multi-lingual, multi-religious society such as Singapore, religious harmony is especially important.  Religious harmony is especially important and religious leaders participate actively in the Inter-Religious Organisation (IRO) which resolves to strengthen religious harmony through mutual tolerance, confidence, respect and understanding.

In participating in the IRO events, I’ve noticed that there are many who are geniunely trying to promote understanding between people of different faiths.  This is heartening and is definitely the way forward in the increasingly globalised world.  Some have also adopted a Homogeneous stance suggesting that all the religions are teaching the same truths.  Same final goal, just through different roads as some would put it.  This may seem viable initially, but can be hard to reconcile when one goes into the crux of various religions.

The way I see it, the different religions are like different vehicles on the highways.  Each different from each other, yet common in some ways.  The different vehicles are common in the sense that they are all means of transport and can take us to where we may want to go.  Due to different spiritual maturity, each may adopt different vehicles and seek different destinations.  Everyday when we go to work or back home, we may go by bus, taxi, car, train or a combination.  While on the road, would we stop others from going to their destinations just because it is different from ours?  Would we ask everyone to get on same bus or get off the same station?  The world would be in chaos if people start doing that.  Would we ask everyone to go to the same office with us or return home with us just because our home is warm and pleasant to us?

In a similar way, we need to recognise that religions have common grounds but also have their differences.  Religions, at a base level, advocates values such as giving, harmlessness, humility, kindness, love etc while at a deeper level, we may differ in terms of our core beliefs and ways of seeing the world.

Recognising that religions bring people to their respective spiritual goals is crucial.  This knowledge does not need to assume a common goal, but sees the common
function of religions, i.e. bring about spiritual maturity towards their own goals.  We need to recognise that just because the goals are different does not mean that they are wrong or evil per se.  To say that different goals are wrong is like saying that people going their way to their offices and homes are going the wrong way.

I say, let’s work on common values while recognising the very human need for different “happiness”.  One day when we are spiritually matured enough, then perhaps we can sit down and discuss the differences without getting at each other’s throat.

WACANA 2008 Conference

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Hi all,

Just returned from WACANA 2008 Conference! What an experience it was, learning and sharing Dhamma with my fellow venerables of the MahaSangha and Buddhist brothers and sisters.

Due to the 20min cap and my tenacity to do a “ChuanGuan”, I could only share a few key points at the conference. Therefore, I have decided to put up the paper online for your reading and comments.

With metta,

🙂 Read More …

Making Mistakes and Forgiving

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“Just because of the good that one has done, let us not turn a blind eye on the wrong made.
Just because of the wrong made, let us not wipe out all the good that was done.

Seeing both rightly, let us help each other face up, do penance, right the wrong and develop further the goodness.
Only then can we grow together fruitfully.”

We hear it all so frequently.  The staff who rather not do anything than make a mistake.  We also hear of that boss who quicker forget than forgive — forget your effort and contributions and not forgive your single mistakes, that is.

In today’s society, are we becoming one that has no more room for forgiveness?  In our law-conforming country, is there room for pardon, or should we remove these words from our vocabulary and just go by the book?  Or have we removed these words already?  Are there stipulations for wrongs doers to be given a slap on the wrist and nothing more?  Or is that where human interpretation should lie?

Ignoring Judicial systems for now, let’s look at workplaces.   A common trend for some employees is to just do the minimal possible.  The idea is that the more you do, the higher the chances for mistakes.  This attitude lies in the repercussions that come with mistakes.  Certain companies, it seems, have a culture of condemning staffs for making mistakes.  Instead of correcting the mistake and moving on, the person is usually sidelined indefinitely.  Having such corporate culture is unhealthy for companies or organisations.  It promotes stagnation and  stifles growth both for the group and the individual.  Change if at all need to come in at the top level and management need to earn back the trust from the company that the change is not just a show.  Over time, staffs will have the courage to, as everyone says, ‘think out of the box’.

In some companies I’ve worked in however, the atmosphere is rather different.  Staffs are encouraged to take risks, calculated risks that is.  And failure is not uncommon, but the cane comes down tougher for not doing than for trying and failed.  As a result, we were more motivated to try and try and not be afraid of failing.  Granted, we are not wild horses on the loose, but we make what we like to call “guestimates” with the confidence that management is behind us should something go wrong.  Such companies do usually have its own check and balance to ensure that it is not exposed to too much unnecessary risks of course.  So staffs also have to start to up more ownership and have to be ready to stand by and in some cases defend the decisions made.  Compared to the prior system, employees play a more active role in running the company and not just passive wage-earners.

The same applies to volunteer groups, non-profits and even families.  As volunteers, it is already out of interest and passion for certain common goals that they commit their time, energy and often money into an organisation with no monetary rewards.  If volunteers are too heavily penalised when they make a mistake, then the already small pool of volunteers may shrink and disappear altogether.  Check and balances should be in place, but some room for learning and growth should be present.  Instead of corrective or penal measures, it may be wiser to establish preventive measures to ensure that mistakes are firstly minimised, and secondly caught earlier in the process and not wait till it deserve a “death” sentence.  That way, volunteers can
continue to offer their time without fear of harsh backlashes while being guided in the process so that public interest is maintained.

In families, an atmosphere of openness and forgiveness is healthy and wholesome for both the children and the parents.  If parents act like police, the children may start behaving like thieves.  If the parents act like judges, then the children will act like prisoners.  Having openness requires trust between the parent and the child.  But that trust can only develop if the child have confidence in the parents’ interest in the child’s happiness.  If the parents punishes too harshly, then the child may end up hiding matters from the parents for fear of punishment without recognising the wrong in their own actions.  Punishments should be coupled with learnings so that the child learn and recognise that their actions are wrong.  If they come out of punishments believing that their actions were right and the punishments were uncalled for, then they would start hiding as mentioned.  Or they may stop playing or trying anything altogether.  This is the equivalent of the employee who does as little as possible because then he has lesser chance of being wrong.  If this happens to a child who is strong-willed, they may start rebelling.  For a more introvert child, they will just give up trying anything.

Singaporeans as a whole seem to be struggling between “openness and forgiveness”, and “closeness and backlashing”.  We need to find a balance that works for us in our Asian context.  With the drive towards opening our doors to foreign talents, we are in greater need to learn to be forgiving.  Let us not forget, that most of our forefathers were immigrants once.  And if not for the kindness and forgiveness given by various individuals along the way, we would not have come so far.

A Ring

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People wear rings for various reasons.  Some rings are ornamental while others are decorative.  A wedding ring or wedding band, is supposed to symbolise the love or feelings between two person.  Similarly, rings may be given to others in exchange to celebrate or cement mutual feelings for each other.

What was equally interesting is that while the rings are meant to celebrate a happy emotion or link between two, these rings can often be stressful.  Ever misplaced your ring?  Dropped it somewhere?  In the pool?  While washing the dishes etc?  If you have, you would know how stressful it can be.  How we can become flustered and panicky all so suddenly.  Why, even as you read this article, you may find yourself reaching out for your finger, just to be sure it is there.  We are worried because it means something to us.  We also worry because of the inevitable conflict that may arise when your other half start asking about it.  The very thing that symbolises love and happiness can become a source of stress and panic.

Now consider yourself on the other side of the counter.  If your love one loses the wedding band or a special ring you gave, would you get upset?  Is it right?  Should we get upset over it?  Is it worth the while?  On the other hand, if we do not get upset over the loss of the ring, would the other party start wondering if it even mattered to us at all.  If we get upset, we make him or her all stressed up over losing the ring.  If we don’t, we may risk appearing like we don’t care.  How do we strike a balance?

Striking a balance may be the hardest thing and is probably different for different people, but perhaps it can be reached with communication.  Perhaps it is important for couples to talk about such things, as ridiculous as it may seem.  Afterall, you don’t end a candle-light dinner with conversation like “Say, would you get upset if I ever lose my ring?”.  But I think it is important, ‘cos it helps to draw up realistic expectations of each other.  And it can be ring, or a watch.  Or something.

But this is the easy part.  The harder and more important part is for both to recognise that the ring is but a symbol and not to attribute to it more than it deserve.  Try as we might, sometimes it happens, and it gets misplaced.  We get upset usually because we infer that we do not treasure the love or feelings that the ring is supposed to symbolise.  But is that always true?  I say, free ourselves from this attachments to rings, even if we cannot be free from suffeRing yet! 😉  Be mindful not to lose it when wearing a ring, and be forgiving if our partner loses theirs.  Then the ring is meaningful.  Then the ring indeed symbolises love, whether when it is around or not.  For at the very least, shouldn’t love be forgiving and not petty?

For me, I’m pretty done with wearing rings.  So I have one chance less to offend others and one thing lesser to be worried about.  Also, others can know that I am concerned for their welfare and happiness without me having to wear some ring to symbolise it.  Good thing
isn’t it?  Else you will see monks and nuns with rings all over!

So, how many rings do you have?  How do they serve you?  Or they you serve them?

EDIT:

Did a mass correction of “loose” to “lose” … thanks to a kind someone! Thanks! 😉