Work, Work, Work

Below is my sharing with a Buddhist on coping with work related difficulties.

Thank you for replying and again sharing with me your present work life.

It sounds like you are having a tough time at work. I hope things will turn for the better for you. But before the situation including your boss change, let’s look at what we can do on our side.

There are many areas that we can look at, but for a start, we can look at two primary aspects of it. External (worldly, superficial, processes) and internally (spiritual well being, motivation, satisfaction etc).

I tend to like to help people solve their problems with the simplest solution where possible. This is most helpful to achieve short-term improvements but stress and problems may recur if the internal aspect is not improved and developed.

Jobscope
The only job scope is the one given by our boss. Yes we signed on the dotted line, yes, there is the contract, terms and conditions etc, but on the ground, our immediate superior can and usually would assign us tasks and projects etc as needed. If our job scope remains the same from day 1 till we retired 30 years later, that would not speak well of us would we? Do we also complain when the boss give us a raise or promotion?

On the other hand, does that mean that we should slog and sell our whole life to the company? No, we should not. While our boss can assign to us tasks and projects he deem necessary, it is up to us to decide whether we still want the job if the scope has changed so drastically.

Between the boss’ demands and our ability to fulfill the tasks, we have to find a balance that we are can breathe in. Sometimes the right thing to do is let a project fail if it is stretching the team too thin. Yes, you heard me right. Sometimes a minor setback in a project is better than a breakdown in YOU. You are not defined by the project you do. That is not who you are. We should be responsible for our work but not be solely defined and bounded by it. It is ok to fail.

Failure will let your boss and management know that it really does not work. While we should not sabotage the project, there is no reason to break ourselves just so that the project goes smoothly.

If the boss still fail to see that there is a flaw in the work arrangement, you may want to rethink whether this job is suitable.

(Sidenote: What is your job title?)

On the spiritual (internal) end, it is important to be able to maintain the internal peace and calm while we work. As long as we decide to continue working in the company, we have to be at work for 9 ~ 11 hours a day. Whether we do it happily or not, we are still bounded by contract and duty to do it.

From a bodhisattva path point of view, going to work can be an opportunity to help solve sentient beings’ problems and difficulty. Work is precisely that. It is about transforming different problems into simpler or a different one and passing that problem to another person who in turn do the same until it is simple enough to be solved. Instead of dreading to do work, a bodhisattva ‘work’ with a mindset of helping others solve their problems, removing their stress and fear. They also do that with the intention of creating positive Dharma links in order to fulfill the long term resolve of leading oneself and others towards Nirvana!

From an arahant-aspirant point of view, going to work can be an opportunity to earn a livelihood that is blameless and if possible be of positive impact on others. In the process, if there is defilements arising in oneself, then it becomes an opportunity to practise mindfulness and watch how the
defilements arise and how they cease. And through that process, reduce and eradicate defilements gradually.

It is good to chant Amitabha and Guanyin pusa’s name everyday. For one who does that, one resolves to apply mindfulness in one’s life. A Guanyin pusa’s disciple will try to have loving thoughts and compassion towards all he see, hear or encounter.

The chanting can help us get centred even at work. When you hear the phone ring, let it remind you like the Buddhist bells, a reminder to be mindful, to be mindful of the Buddha and pusa’s qualities that we resolve to develop in ourselves. A reminder to be mindful of our body, speech and mind.

About your fears, it may be good to speak in person.
Whenever you are free, you and your family are welcome to come to the Buddhist Library to receive blessings and guidance. To avoid disappointment, do call in advance.

Hope this help you tide through your tough time.
May you be guided and protected by the Buddha, Dharma and the Sangha!

Suki hontu! ^_^

Non-attachment vs Care-less

Cultivating non-attachment does not mean a careless detached attitude, instead it is a very active concerned
care and love for others. By non-attachment, we remove, or at least initially reduce, our strong emotional upheavals, moving our focus and attention from ourselves to others.

Attachment leads to much emotional baggages in us that does not help us or our loved ones; they mostly create the friction between us!

Watching the Mind Bounce

A bouncing ball captured with a stroboscopic flash at 25 images per second.

I received an email from someone asking for advice.  Agatha (not the real name!) ask why she is never content with what she has and keep looking for more.  She further asks what happiness is.  She feels weak and tired in the mind and heart.

I wrote her:

Congratulations ###! You have observed that you are discontent with what you have and keep looking for more! ^_^
Further, you rightly observe how this leads the mind and heart to be weak and tired. Well done!

As to why you do that? We all know the answer deep within. It is that we don’t know any better. As in, we don’t know any other way to be happy or to pursue happines (if happiness can be pursued externally at all!).

If your heart-mind is tired, let it rest for a while. When it leaps outward at the world, know that it is leaping, but try to just watch it but not go with it. Kinda like when you are in a movie and your phone goes buzzing silently and you know it is buzzing but don’t go check it.

Do this first and let me know what happens.

Suki hontu!

So dear friends, why don’t you try this today?  Try watching your mind* and see if you can observe but not follow the impulses that arises.  Try and see if you can do it like you know the phone buzz without necessarily checking the phone.  See if you can watch the mind bouncing without going along with it.

Pre-requisite:

  • If you are not a Buddhist, the good news is you don’t** have to be a Buddhist to do so.
  • You just have to be alive (duh!)
  • Want to be happy
  • Ready to take charge and be responsible for your happiness
  • Committed to developing good mental habits

The Dharma is described as the Truth, not because we want to stake claim to be the Truth bearers or wish to disclaim others.  The Dharma is described as the Truth because its principles were observed directly by the Buddha and applies whether you believe it or not.  Just as the Law of Gravity applies whether you subscribe to it or even know it or not, you are accelerating at a rate of 9.8m/s2 (g ~ 9.80665 m/s).  

In a similar way, the Buddha’s teaching describes the Truth of our existence.  So, come and see for yourself.  Ehi passiko.

* For a more thorough discourse on observing and being mindful of the mind, see Digha-nikaya 22: Maha-satipatthana Sutta: The Great Frames of Reference.
** This is not a rationalisation for Buddhists to stop being Buddhists and pretending to practise.  :p  If you already subscribe to the teachings internally, why not commit to it externally as well?

Reference

Parenthood Is Not a Popularity Contest

Kids these days are really “lucky”. I see a lot of parents buzzing around their precious little ones, so too eager to please them, some even apologise to their child when their child fall and hurt themselves through their own misbehaviour. I’m not suggesting that parents should not want to bring happiness to their children. But if that is the only concern, then they are in trouble. Both the parents and the child that is.

There are two aspects I want to consider: 1) the consequence of being so preoccupied with pleasing the children and 2) the rationale behind it.  I’ll start with the rationale part.

Wanting them to be Happy

I think it is a good thing that most parents want happiness for their children.  Adult life in modern Singapore (or most places) is stressful enough, we don’t need parents to make our childhood worse off.  Anthropologist would perhaps say that this is the nurturing and social quality of humans that forms the basis for growth and development of the human species and communities.  Evolutionist would say that such qualities proved to be suitable for the survival of the human species.  I’m just glad it is so and that my parents were very loving even if my mom had to introduce me to the finer points of caning (of the palms) in my younger years as a schoolboy.

I say “most parents” grudgingly as a part of me is still reconciling with those cases where parents abuse, harm and even prove to be fatal to their children.  Unfortunately, there are such parents.  Fortunately, they belong to the fringe, the anomalies if you will.  This article is not really about them, though if they would try to behave more like they are in the parenting popularity contest, they would be better off.

Giving happiness to our children is not wrong.  Wanting happiness for them is not a crime.  Being happy when they smile and not cry is in no way something to be apologetic over.  The problem (like “buts”, there is always a problem!) is when that is all we are concerned about.  If our logic is that parents should satisfy every whims and fancy of the child in order for them to be happy, then we are so wrong.  It is one thing to be able to give our child what they want, it is another thing to simply give them everything they want.  If we do so just to achieve immediate happiness, we may end up building in them this instant-gratification mindset.  The whole society and media is already doing it, we don’t need to deepen it.

Being parents, we should have our child’s welfare and happiness in mind.  But comparing short term and long term happiness, we as adults should know better.  Behave in a myopic manner and we may regret 10 to 20 years from now, while our child have to face those consequences in his character and person for his whole life.

Parenthood is not a Popularity contest

So why do parents behave in such a way?  I observe that in the past family structure, parents in their old age may be more financially dependent on their children.  It is traditional that the parents would stay with one of the children, normally the eldest son or child.  It may vary but parents would typically stay with one of the children and be looked after in their old age.  Parents today are supposed to be more independent socially and financially but they appear to be emotionally dependent compared to parents of the earlier generation.  While I have not done any studies, I observe that many young parents these days are very concerned whether their children love or like them or not.  This to me, is one of the factor that fuels the popularity parenting mindset.  There may be other factors involved, and I hope to hear from you all
your thoughts about it.

The combination of ‘myopia’ and popularity parenting mindset creates a dangerous situation where the parents’ sole aim is to please the child, somewhats at all cost, financially and emotionally.  Without regard for the long term impact, this put the parents squarely at the mercy of the child’s emotional roller-coaster.  While the parent seem to win the love of the child, they are unwittingly teaching the child emotional-ransom.  The by-product is that some children may over the years, grow up believing that the world should and would revolve around them, just as their parents did.  By the time they reach their late teens or early twenties and step into society, they may not be emotionally resilient enough to face life’s setback.  While nobody wants such an outcome, it can become the eventual scenario if the earlier factors are not nipped off sooner.

Don’t worry if you are their favorite parent or not, just be the best parent they have!

Fortunately, I also see parents who are playing the adult role in the parent-child relationship.  Instead of being overly preoccupied with short-term happiness, they provide for their children suitably without succumbing to the temptation of “Favorite Parent Award”.  Not always giving your child what they want may mean that they will cry a little here and there, but they will also learn that they cannot cry their way to their next toy.  Oh and while you are at it, please hush your child and not let your child wail, scream and flail around in the bus or train.  Have some decency and respect for other’s peace and space.  Besides, tt is also safer for the child if you restrain him while in a moving vehicle.

On top of giving and providing for their material needs, please also give them some good values.  Grades only appear in their certificates while money is only useful when gone (spent!).  Values stay in their heart for the rest of their life.  And the best way to give them good values, is to live by those values.

I’m not anyone’s parent, but I learnt from the best parents, the best and only parents I ever had.

Dharma Talk – Happiness Is Balancing Material and Spiritual Needs

Buddhist Conference 2554 – Creating Happiness in the Here and Now
presents Fringe Programme:


Happiness Is Balancing Material and Spiritual Needs

Dharma Talk by Venerable Faxun

 

5 June, Saturday, 7.30pm =96 9.30pm

 

Poh Ming Tse Temple

(438 Dunearn Road Singapore 289613)

Would you like to be happy, the Buddha’ way? Do you have burning questions on balancing material and spiritual needs? Find your answers and take home practical tips on happiness that you can apply on a daily and lifelong basis.

Venerable Faxun graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 1989 and was ordained in Taiwan in 1992 by Venerable Wu Yin at Luminary of Bhikkhuni Sangha. She received a five years basic monastic training in Luminary Buddhist Institute. Upon completion of the monastic training, Venerable returned to Singapore in 1997 and served in the Sagaramudra Buddhist Society. In 2001, Venerable continued to pursue her Bachelor of Arts and Education in a University in Western Australia and in 2009, Venerable completed her Honours Degree.

This talk is part of the Buddhist Conference 2554=92s Fringe Programme, =93What is Happiness=94. Buddhist Conference 2554 takes you on a journey to undercover the real essence of happiness, the Buddha’s way. Create your Happiness Here and Now! Overseas and local speakers include Geshe Tenzin Zopa (Nepal), Ani Choying Drolma (Nepal), Venerable Chuan Ren (Singapore), Venerable Bodhi (Singapore), Dr Phang Cheng Kar (MD) (Malaysia), Mr Vijaya Samarawickrama (Malaysia) and Mr Danai Chanchaochai (Thailand).

Buddhist Conference 2554 – Creating Happiness in the Here and Now

Sat, 23 October 2010 | 8am to 6.30pm | Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery

Tickets available from SISTIC at S$38 or S$132 for a group of 4, from 1 July onwards

*Programme and speakers are subject to changes in the event of unforeseen circumstances.
Visit www.BuddhistConference.sg for more information and Fringe Programme Listing

 

What I Learnt Last Night from Bhante Dhammaratna

We always hear from others that we should look at the goodness in others. But last night, at the meditation class at the Buddhist Library, hearing Bhante extoll the positive aspect of a certain group, I can’t help but appreciate deeply that despite what we think, there may be something positive in others. If only we look.

“Try to see the goodness in others”.