The weekly Group Practice will be held at Buddhist Librar:
Weekly Group Practice
Venue: Buddhist Library, 2-4 Geylang Lor 24A
Date: Every Wednesday
Time: 7:30pm ~ 9:30pm
Programme:
For a while now, whenever I am invited for a meal at my parents’ place, I would play a little game with my niece and nephews. I would give them a cookie or bread or something, but before I give them, I would hover infront of their mouth and count to them “One, … Two, … Three … ” before they get their treat.
My point to my sisters (mothers of my experiments) is that kids these days are too conditioned towards instant gratification. My count down approach is what I think would train them to learn to wait. Interestingly, my niece J would wait patiently, even when I sometimes delay the count down with 2.5, 2.75 etc … she (four years old now) would giggle and know that I am playing with her. My nephew R started off being rather haughty, refusing to open his mouth when I start the countdown. Granted, he is 1+ years younger than J, so perhaps he is slowly developing patience. Furthermore, the mental development of boys and girls are known to start at different ages.
Today, I read an interesting article about just that.
In the article, there is mention of a marshmallow experiment conducted to study how kids delay gratification. An interesting concept highlighted is “metacognition” in which one is knows one’s knowing or thinking. The ability to be aware of one’s thinking or way of thinking, its implications and to think of ways to deal with it.
“Their desire (for marshmallow) wasn’t defeated—it was merely forgotten. “If you’re thinking about the marshmallow and how delicious it is, then you’re going to eat it,” Mischel says. “The key is to avoid thinking about it in the first place.”
The above example is what in Buddhism is commonly known as “轉依所緣境”, or “to change one’s mental focus”. In meditation, we do that all the time. When the mind wanders away, or it becomes distracted, we direct it away from the distraction and back to the object of meditation. In the Mahasi tradition, one do not redirect, but instead channels one’s mindfulness onto the process of distraction, and not the distraction itself. So, instead of thinking of something, we become mindful of the thinking; instead of pondering about a sound or cough, as to who is the one coughing, why is he coughing, we direct mindfulness to hearing itself. So this is in a way, still a change in focus, from the subject to the process, from the content to the mechanism.
In 念佛法門, Buddha-nama recitation school, when one’s mind wanders away, we basically redirect the mind back to the Buddha-nama recitation. Again, it is a redirection. In the Contemplation of Fouliness, the mind is directed away from sensual visible datum towards the foul aspects of the body, as a direct counter for sense desire. This is not just redirection, but redirection towards the opposite of the original object. Such redirection makes use of another characteristic of the mind: that the mind cannot be in opposite states simultaneously. If the mind is filled with love, it cannot hate; if filled with foul contemplation, lust cannot arise; filled with generosity, one cannot stinge; filled with wholesome, unwholesome thoughts naturally cease. Hence, the various Buddhist practice of metta-bhavana, foul contemplation, practice of dana and wholesome aspirations.
Another technique mentioned in the article that resounds with standard practices in Buddhism is to modify the perception or conditioning the kids have of the marshmallow or candy.
But Mischel has found a shortcut. When he and his colleagues taught children a simple set of mental tricks—such as pretending that the candy is only a picture, surrounded by an imaginary frame—he dramatically improved their self-control. The kids who hadn’t been able to wait sixty seconds could now wait fifteen minutes. “All I’ve done is given them some tips from their mental user manual,” Mischel says. “Once you realize that will power is just a matter of learning how to control your attention and thoughts, you can really begin to increase it.”
In the Diamond Sutra, chapter 32, the Buddha said “一切有為法，如夢幻泡影，如露亦如電，應作如是觀” “All conditioned phenomena, is like a dream, an illusion, a bubble, an image (or shadow); like a dew and like a flash of lightning, thus should one reflect and observe”. The Buddhist technique is broader in ways of application and differs at the later stage. At the earlier stage, one may not have seen how that is possible, but may adopt the teachings as a new way (Mental Transformation) to look at things, thereby reducing attachment, whereas at the later more developed stage, one truly see (Direct Seeing) that all conditioned phenomena is indeed like a dream, an illusion etc, at which point attachment and craving naturally falls away.
The above list out various techniques that one can develop and use should one’s mind stray away. Prior to that, it is also important to develop mindfulness so that when the mind should stray or drift, we can know that it has, and not simply be swept along for the ride.
The names may differ, but the act of labelling or mental noting found in the Mahasi tradition, anapanasati (meditation) tradition, Zen meditation tradition or 念佛 Buddha-namanusati method all trains the mind to be aware of the present state. The object of focus and precise technique may differ, but they all lead to mindfulness of the present state of the mind. Through these techniques, when the mind wanders away, one is then able to more effectively ‘detect’ the wandering and then apply the appropriate mental counter-measures. Initially, one’s mind simply get sweep away by the torrents of mental proliferation, but slowly, the mental noting or awareness of this wandering becomes stronger and one’s attention and awareness builds up. It takes time and practice, but it does get better as one proceed.
We often think about our family at work and about work when we are with our family. We know that it is not helpful in both cases, but we cannot help it. Well, we can. Using the two techniques mentioned above, 1. Awareness of Mental Drift 2. Mental Redirection, we should train ourselves to be mindful of whatever we are doing at the present moment, the conversation we are having, the person we are talking to etc. When there is Mental Drift, we should be aware of it. We may note it quickly and redirect our mind towards our present activity. Do this often enough, and it becomes a mental habit to refocus, to redirect. Over time, we can become more attentive and “in the moment”, instead of “worrying about the future, or clinging onto the past.”
With this mindfulness, one can in time, observe and see directly, the common characteristics, anicca (Impermanence), dukkha (Suffering), anatta (No-self).
Instead of succumbing to our thoughts and emotions, we can live a more wholesome and meaningful life through the practice of Buddhism. We can slowly learn to master and manage our emotions instead of letting it run and ruin our life.
“We should say, ‘You see this marshmallow? You don’t have to eat it. You can wait. Here’s how.’ ”
Next time we desire something like the kid for the marshmallow, maybe we should say that to ourselves:
“You see this INSERT_YOUR_CRAVING? You don’t have to have it immediately. You can wait. Here’s how.”
Tried it before? Tell us how it work or not work for you.
Hi all,
Hope the new year is treating you well. I just came back from a three month retreat and thought I’ll share something here. (Strictly speaking, because of immigration requirements and some talk engagements I committed to, it was not a full three months! 
)
Below is an email excerpt I sent to fellow buddhist on meditation. Thought I’ll share it here as it may be useful for some of us trying out meditation.
1. Feeling frustrated the day after meditation
Hmmm …. that’s an interesting one. Before I jump to any conclusion, maybe some clarifications:
+ How long do you meditate per session?
+ How many times per day?
+ Do you do walking meditation with the sitting?
+ How many times do you meditate per week?
While it is true that improper postures can cause some discomfort, it usually occur under some specific conditions. Shed some light as above and we go from there.
2. Becoming more sensitive to our surroundings and people
Becoming more aware and sensitive is always better. So good start there! 
What we do with this new awareness and sensitivity is a different thing altogether.
While it would be good if after learning the Dharma and meditating, we are able to simply face all situations head-on and come out ok. Unfortunately reality differs, as you have noticed. Fortunately, the Buddha is kind and realistic enough to suggest that we take it gradually.
The Buddha is Realistic!
Not specific to your situation, but in the AnguttaraNikaya 5.161 Grudge, the Buddha do not advise the monks to go head on and reflect on emptiness or anatta. Instead he suggested five ways to deal with it. “If a grudge arises towards any person, then one should cultivate loving-kindness, or compassion or equanimity to wards him. Or one should pay no attention to him and give no thought to him. Or one may apply the thought: his only property is his actions; whatever he does, good or bad, he will be heir to that. In these ways, all grudges that have arisen can be removed. ” Search for “grudge” in http://www.triplegem.plus.com/tipintr3.htm
I feel that the Buddha’s very realistic approach may also apply in your case where you feel “something” towards people who seem to be doing things wrong.
1. External
+ Avoid if possible.
2. Internal
+ Do not give attention to what had been done
+ On that which we have seen, heard or suspected, hold your judgement *or* direct your mind to the positive qualities of these people
+ If you find that you cannot find anything positive about them, reflect on how others are not disturbed by the so called perceived negative or wrong actions.
+ Direct your mind towards the Triple Gem
+ Direct your mind inwards towards your own practice
To be honest, I went through a stretch where I had much -ve towards ppl around in much the same way as you did. I came to a point where I reflected and concluded that a) how wrong they really are may be subjective and b) even if they are truly wrong, getting upset with them does not help them … *nor* me! and c) “getting upset” is itself a defilement, never mind whether they are really right or wrong. Hence I should resolve my own defilement of being upset before I go poking into ppl’s backyard.
!Applying our meditative practices to use!
When we meditate (止 samatha), we are really doing two things:
1. Bring the mind away from its favorite past-times (aka distractions) and
2. Anchoring it on the meditation object.
Easy said than done.
But we’ve done it before as well. Although the mind may still wander off, we have succeeded in doing it before, both bringing it away from distractions to our meditation object. We learn to maneuver the mind.
We also succeed in anchoring the mind, albeit maybe just for a few moments or seconds for some, in the meditation object. This is commonly the breath, and we did do just that.
When frustration or -ve thoughts arise, it is like the mind wandering away from our meditation object. We should extend our meditation skills to everyday life and catch ourselves when that happens. After catching it, we should steer our mind away from those mental objects (thoughts or memories!) towards good or +ve (happy?) thoughts or objects. Then we should anchor it there.
Try it and see what happens. After some exercise, one should be able to do it easily. That should allow the -ve thoughts to die down by itself. This is the samatha method and it does only one thing. Mitigation. It does not solve the problem, but it gives us a breather *and* it breaks the momentum of the angry mind. It weakens habitual anger if it is present and prevents its formation if not.
Our task is not complete yet
Meanwhile, our task is not complete yet. Having this calmness is sometimes mistaken as the end goal for Buddhists. That is plain incorrect. This is like a pit-stop or a transit. A shelter to wait out the storm. While you slowly weaken the defilements, one should strengthen calmness and develop observation and insight into nama-rupa (mind-body). Seeing truly how nama-rupa is, ie impermanent, subject to change, subject to suffering, is empty and non-self, one then cuts off the root of the problem, craving and attachment stemming from the distorted views of the world.
This requires 观 or insight meditation. Bear in mind, this is not one particular meditation technique found only in one school or tradition. As far as I am concerned, the different schools in the different traditions have different techniques for both samatha and vipassana that should lead to concentration and wisdom. Use the one that works for you.
Footnote:
I didn’t go into specifics of insight meditation for the timebeing as I wanted the person to clear her present difficulties before moving onto the later exercises.
As though twins by birth, the Myanmar cyclone disaster is followed by this China earthquake disaster …
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080513/ap_on_re_as/china_earthquake;_ylt=AqRs37zTkVYMYHzBWIHcm_qs0NUE
http://tieba.baidu.com/f?kz=376894098
Let’s extend our prayers and meditation to them.
This is just another placeholder for future entry … 
1st December, 2006
Some of the folks who come across my desk may wonder why a toothbrush is on my desk and not in the toilet where it belongs. Most people either miss it or are too polite to ask, so I shared with the Youth Ministry in Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery during their YMers retreat.
You see, sometimes in the day, I would find a piece of food stuck in my teeth, or find my teeth too grimy for myself, and no amount of rinsing or flossing ( … talking about flossing, they are there on my desk too! ) will cleanse it. I’m sure we have that once a while … or maybe we don’t notice.